Summer is all about having fun and being in the zone and puns are a great way to achieve that. Here are some puns to make your summer lives easier and better with a hint of spice and a sense of humor.
Went to the corner shop - bought four corners.
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'
You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?" I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". '
My phone will ring at two in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster!
I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it,” he said, "Those are pickled onions."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here."
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck."
Vivian Lew (12)
Went to the corner shop - bought four corners.
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'
You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?" I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". '
My phone will ring at two in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster!
I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it,” he said, "Those are pickled onions."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here."
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck."
Vivian Lew (12)